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Water and Me

Water and Me

Tag Archives: GOD

Only With Vigilance

04 Thursday Feb 2021

Posted by Ronald Parks in 12 steps, Addiction, Family, Journal, Recovery, Writing

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Tags

12 steps, Family, GOD, jornal, NA, parenting, Recovery, self help, slogans, vigilance

Published this over 10 years ago. Took it out of print because I was tired of people telling me my memories were incorrect. Most of the beginning of the book was from writings I did while in the penitentiary at 20 years old. I think my memories were clearer at 20 then the memories of people in their fifties and sixties reading this 10 years ago

The other parts were written, taken directly from my journals and letters and other peoples journals and letters. Those who read it and commented to me about it, picked out some things they thought may be or were hurtful to them and others. I got rid of most of those writings. I also added 10 more years of living into the book and republished it.

Dundee Kayaking

05 Thursday Jul 2018

Posted by Ronald Parks in kayaking, Recovery

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Dundee, Eagles, GOD, Gunpowder Falls, heron, kayaking, nature, photography, Recovery

Up early on the 4th and headed out for our first kayak adventure of the year. A lot of busy-ness going on in Kathy and my life, so today was our first chance to get a little kayaking in. Being a holiday we thought it best to get out there early and glad we did.

The sand landing at Dundee Marina is small but easy to get in and out of. Ultimate Water Sports use to be here but now it is Eastern Watersports. The people running it said it is the same prices and types of equipment. We have our own but I was just checking.

What a beautiful day. Glad I wore sunscreen because it was hot out there. Every once in a while we would catch a nice breeze. The water was calm.

Quite a bit of wildlife here today. Glad Kathy is with me, to remind me of my past and to be grateful of my present – “From Heroin to Heron!” Yes indeedy! Although I had to laugh. Years ago in my active days down the Lombard Street Projects, I kept hearing the guys saying ‘Hair-ron’! At first I thought they were saying ‘Hey Ron’ How the hell did they know my name and that I was down there trying to cop??!! 

This little pier marks the entrance to a little cove. I think Kathy and I are the only ones that know about it. Never see anyone else in there.

It seems that recent storms have knocked over some trees, but that usually doesn’t stop us.

Nice little kayaking path.

And this is what surrounds you once inside. So peaceful and quiet.

I picked up this hitch-hiker in our little cove. Kathy came over and got him, to place him on a reed – hoping he will turn into a beautiful butterfly. Damn, looked like fish food to me! Our kayaks are getting a little beat up over the years, as we look for little waterways to explore.

Me, chasing that heron.

Up to the left of the heron was Mr. America himself. Happy Birthday America!

After about an hour and a half of open water, we headed to a shady spot.

Then we headed out again to follow the shoreline and found this poser.

Two hours for a first trip was enough. Headed back to the beach and it was getting crowded. I have never seen people picnicing at the landing before.

On the way home, coming out of the park (Part of Gunpowder State Park) there were quite a few DNR Police, diverting and stopping traffic. By 12:30 most of the parks were full and people were being turned away. Glad we go early. Topped the day off with some steamed crabs and corn on the cob.

Thanks God for another day clean and another adventure with Kathy!

Non A – Non B and Me

21 Wednesday Mar 2018

Posted by Ronald Parks in Addiction, Health, Hepatitis, Recovery

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Addiction, GOD, Harvoni, Health, Hep C, Hepatitis, Recovery

Non-A Non-B and Me

March 21, 1987: I stopped doing drugs and have been clean ever since. Somewhere in my using days I contracted the Hepatitis C virus. This is my story:

April 28, 1988: Called the doctor about my blood test. He said everything looked good except my liver. It looked a little messed up?

Two years later, more stuff was about to happen concerning my liver. It will continue for the next 30 years.

August 1, 1990: The Red Cross sent me a letter today telling me that they can no longer accept my blood donations. That the reason being is… At this point I dropped the letter on the floor. It would take me a couple hours to pick it back up. In my mind I was thinking it was going to tell me I have AIDS. At this time, there was a lot of that in NA, and the world. Instead it said I came up positive for Non A – Non B hepatitis? What the heck is that and where did that come from? Need to go see my doctor.

August 2, 1990: Talked to my sponsor about the Red Cross letter and he says he has it too. That it’s no big deal. I will feel more assured after I see my doctor.

August 7, 1990: I called in sick today. Went to the doctors. That was a waste. He has no info on Hep C. He read my letter from the Red Cross and repeated what it said. He did explain about antigens and antibodies. I came up positive for both B and C antibodies which means at some time or another I had/have B&C. He said the B I can’t pass on but he’s not sure about the C. When I arrived home, I called the National Institute for Health, who told me to call Johns Hopkins. The doctor I talked to asked me how I was feeling and when I told him ok, he said I should make an appointment to see him, but it would probably take a couple weeks. I will call for an appointment tomorrow.

August 9, 1990: Called out sick again. Called Hopkins and they said I could not use their library. I called the University of Md. and they said I could. Upon arriving, the guard would not let me in. Then the guy at the reference desk said I really shouldn’t be in there. That only doctors and med students are allowed; that I wouldn’t be able to understand what I was looking at. I explained what’s going on with me. The ref desk guy took me over to a computer and showed me how to use it. I found some journals on Hep C and made copies. I gave the computer a bad command and it froze on me, so I left.

August 31, 1990: Went to Johns Hopkins and talked to Dr. M. He wants me to get three different blood tests done. He said depending on what they find from these test, will determine what he will do next. Possibly a liver biopsy.

September 13, 1990: Dr. M called and said that I have the Hep. C antibodies, which means I have had it. The only thing is, they don’t know if I still have it or not. Or if I’m a carrier or what. My liver enzymes are normal, and I should come back in a year for some more tests.

January 22, 1992: Went to the Dr. for a follow up. My liver enzymes are normal.

After getting married in May of 1992, and then my daughter being born in 1993, someone told me that I needed to get life insurance, to help them financially if something should happen to me. Well, being in recovery and supposedly having to work an honest program, I told the different insurance companies about my liver disease. Of course, they all turned me down. The one company representative told me, “This disease may kill you in forty years. We don’t want to risk insuring you, knowing that.” What the hell!! I told the guy, “I’m surprised I stayed alive this long. I’m almost 40 years old. I’m pretty sure I’ll be dead by 80.”

Over the years I continued to have blood work done and my liver checked. My liver enzymes were mostly always elevated. Every time I saw a new doctor, he wanted to have a whole bunch of tests done. It started to feel like a bunch of bullshit. When I started attending a lot of NA meetings up in Harford County, I heard a lot of people share about Hep C. Most of them were on Interferon and most of them became depressed. They had to take anti-depressants. I didn’t want that happening to me. My body/addiction doesn’t know the difference between a prescribed medicine and street drugs –  if one makes me feel good, 1,000 will make me feel even better!

October 27, 2008: Went to get a sonogram of my liver done. The technician who did it was very informative as to what she was doing. She explained everything to me. My liver and spleen are both normal, healthy sizes (She explained the function of the spleen and what happens to it when the liver stops doing its job). My gall bladder, kidneys and aorta all look good she said. My gall bladder has a tiny polyp in it, but she said I shouldn’t be worried about it. All these years worrying about my liver and having hepatitis and what not, and my liver and insides are all fine. Now to see what the blood test results are. Same as usual – elevated enzymes.

March 26, 2009: Off work today. Had a doctor’s appointment with a specialist for my liver, Dr. H. He was finally going to go over my results from all the test that I had done back in September/October. When I first went in, I felt pretty good about everything. Especially after I talked to the lady who did my liver sonogram. By the time I left his office, I was feeling pretty shitty. This doctor swears that I need this Interferon treatment for my Hep C. Truthfully, I think he’s wrong. How can I go from having elevated liver enzymes in 1988 to normal in 1992 to needing treatment in 2009? It doesn’t make sense. When I asked him that, he said the new type of test that they do these days show that my liver is inflamed. So, it makes you wonder about testing. I told him that I didn’t want the treatment. That everyone I know in NA who was on it, gets really depressed and ends up on medication. I told him if that happened to me, I’d be afraid I’d start using (drugs) again. I will end up dying quicker from relapsing on drugs than I would from my liver killing me. He gave me this weird look and said, “Yea, I guess so.” He told me that I have until May, to make my mind up about treatment.

I eventually made the decision not to do anything about my Hep C, other than to monitor it. Nineteen years later and it hasn’t killed me yet.

June 23, 2010: I ran into Dr. M, my doctor from when I first got Hep C back in 1989 and he said there is a new cure coming out next year that isn’t interferon, that it’s 3 pills for 6 months with a 75% cure rate. I told him I will come talk to him in a year from now.

2010: LK died on Christmas. His body rejected the liver he received a couple months ago. He was one of the people I knew that was on the Interferon and who got really depressed. Apparently, the meds didn’t work and he went to Greece to get a new liver.

February 3, 2016: Doctor’s appointment with my primary care physician for a yearly physical. He set me up for blood work and referrals for a colonoscopy and a new Hep C doctor. I really don’t like how doctors now just go thru motions during a visit. Hardly any eye contact while they are busy typing into a computer. I do like the website called MyChart, where I can see everything and stay in touch with my care team. It all just seems so impersonal though.

March 22, 2016: Work and then to a new Hep C doctor. Young woman whose name I forget. Trying very hard to push a new Hep C drug on me. Harvoni. It has a 94-98% success rate. It also costs $94,000.00 for 12 weeks’ worth! Left her office and went to get blood samples drawn – lots of blood. I need to get an ultra-sound next. Tried to get it done while there but they would not take a walk-in.

April 1, 2016: After work I went for my ultrasound. Girl said everything looked normal. I think my doctor is disappointed, but she said she is still going to try and get the meds for me?? It made me wonder if she gets some kind of kick-back from the pharmaceutical company? My Rx insurance, through my job, said they would not cover the cost of the Harvoni.

November 16, 2017: Doctor’s appointment at Johns Hopkins Hospital. Another new Hep C doctor. She doesn’t understand why my insurance wouldn’t cover the Harvoni for my Hep C. She is going to re-submit and make sure I get it. She also told me there are other treatments these days for Hep C. I will be cured before I retire she said. More blood work done – HIV Screening (came back negative) and a comprehensive Hep C test (elevated).

December 14, 2017: Went to Hopkins to see my Hep C doctor. She was all flustered about this, that and the other. She mentioned that I needed another sonogram because of my cirrhosis? What cirrhosis I asked? First time since 1989 that someone said I had that! She looked at me all crazy and said, “oh, well we need to do a fiber scan and we can do that now”. So, I went into another room and another doctor did this thing with some sort of pulse on my liver, handed me the printout and sent me back to my doctor. No cirrhosis detected – none, nada, zilch. She says, “well good, we still have you approved for the Harvoni”. I’m thinking someone fudged some numbers or a report just to get the insurance company to pay for the meds. My levels from my blood test did increase by one million points since 2016. So, I went with a nurse to the pharmacy and was given a bottle of Harvoni. Instead of paying a $30 copay, it was only $5.

December 15, 2017: Started my meds this morning. One pill a day for 12 weeks. They only give out 28 pills at a time. $30,000/28 pills = $1,071/pill.

January 5, 2018: JHH Pharmacy called me about my refill. Lots of bullshit going on with this. All because my insurance changed on January 1st. I told the doctor and pharmacy and nurse about my concerns of starting the meds for a month and then my insurance changing. They all said not to worry!

January 9, 2018: Was supposed to get my next batch of 28 pills but the insurance stuff was all messed up. I did get my bloodwork done though. I only have a few pills left. Here is my bloodwork to date:

……………………………….. 3/22/16      11/16/17      1/9/18    Standard

HCV RNA By Rt-PCR:  4,800,000       5,660,000        21         <15 [IU]/mL

HCV RNA Log Value:        6.68                6.75         1.32        <1.18

That is one helluva drop in numbers! (Although I’m not sure what these numbers and abbreviations mean!)

January 11, 2018: I picked up my meds today at CVS Pharmacy in Parkville. $31,185/28 pills = $1,113/pill

February 5, 2018: Picked up final 28 pills at CVS. Same price as above. They gave me a $30 discount, so my co-pay was only $5.

Grand total for insurance companies was $92,370 or $1,099.64/pill. Unbelievable!

March 8, 2018: Last pill.

March 14, 2018: Dr. visit and bloodwork. Visit went well, and we discussed a lot of the numbers and what they mean. Most are just markers, like the ones above. These numbers are checked to see if the patient is still taking the Harvoni (or any other med) continuously. Which I have. Never missed a dose. There are a lot of factors that the doctors look at, to determine whether I am clear and cured of Hep C. I go back April 12th for a follow up and then June 1st for another blood test, followed by my last visit to see my doctor on June 13.

March 21, 2018: Clean 31 years and my final blood test results are listed. As I stated earlier, I am not sure what all the numbers mean, I just know that they all fall in the standard range. Cured of Hep C? Most likely (Next blood test should tell). Cured of addiction? Never will be.

And with that, I leave you with this:

And may I not with great propriety ask myself From whence have these daily and long continued mercies been received? By whom? And by what source have they been administered unto me, And thereby enabled me to take my pen, and answer these solemn, and important questions? Let me truly, and faithfully Answer, From my Savior and my God. And most grate fully do I acknowledge his goodness for every Blessing granted unto me; humbly praying, that every error, that I may have committed or incurred, in my passed life may be blotted out and forgiven and that the few remaining days that may yet be allotted unto me, may be passed in preparing to appear in the presence of my Savior and my God.

John Davis, Water Engineer. Hagerstown, Md. January 1851.

Thanksgiving Fog

26 Sunday Nov 2017

Posted by Ronald Parks in Hiking, nature, Photography

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Tags

Barn, bridges, dogs, GOD, Hiking, nature, photography

Wonderful weekend with Kathy’s family down the Eastern Shore.

Sunset on the farm.

Gail and John 4-wheeling.

Back again looking for fish.

Time for a hike before deer season starts. Molly trying to flush out some birds.

A hawk surrounded by crows.

Grey barn roof on blue sky.

Reflections on the pond.

Kathy’s reflection.

Reflecting, contemplating…

Winter Robins.

And then the fog rolled in.

Like a loose blanket.

The barn. Soft coating of ice on everything.

The lone tree fighting off the shroud.

Dirt road to the heart of the fog.

It started to retreat from the pines.

Sniper house. New addition to the farm.

Walking through here, the trees’ upper branches, bathed in sunlight, let go a rain storm of melted frost.

Under the tree, a real bird dog.

Fog and steam mixing together.

Thanks given to God for all this.

Days Cove Serenity

22 Tuesday Aug 2017

Posted by Ronald Parks in Hiking, kayaking, nature, Photography

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Bay, GOD, Gunpowder Falls, Hiking, kayaking, nature, photography, Serenity, water

With all this hate spewing forth here lately on FaceBook (and life), I am so glad that I have found two ways that I can bring a sense of calm and peace into my life. 1) The Serenity Prayer 2) Kayaking. You just can’t beat those two together! Next would be hiking. Did all three Sunday.

There are three areas where the Gunpowder Rivers converge before heading to the bay. The Little Gunpowder, the Big Gunpowder and the Gunpowder River. We have explored 2 of them so far. Both times we entered through Mariners Point. A couple weeks ago I mentioned about parking and the lack of it for kayakers. (The boaters get preferential treatment for their trailers). I even wrote a letter to the County Rec and Parks, cc to the County Executive about it. I was more or less told that if I didn’t like it, go elsewhere! Fortunately, we lucked out in getting a fairly close spot to park. But, something odd did happen as we were leaving – the Coast Guard was there checking kayaks! Lots of rules I was unaware of. Check out their website to get the low-down.

“This is my path; here I shall find peace. I will pursue this path, come what may.” (Anyone remember what book this comes from?)

And here is our path. 4.67 miles in about 3 hours. The landfill is to the left. It was surprising that the water was clearer in the cove. The little white dot on land near the shore is the Days Cove Nature Center, which I believe is now closed down. I remember taking my daughter to a Halloween Party there years ago. Nice center.

Us pointing at the point sign.

Watch out for the jets.

Purple flowers around.

The grasses seemed a lot thicker this trip.

Heading into the cove from the Big Gunpowder.

We saw as many herons on this trip as we did osprey on our last trip. This guy has something on his nose.

And what do we have here?

Time to park it and get out to investigate.

A chimney and a reluctant model!

A mixture of various stones.

This path will take you to the Nature Center.

Some formstone and building debris.

Blue-eyed lady.

Back into the water. Took a bit to figure out what this is – it’s a drain plug to drain the cove!

Saw this guy at the far end of the cove. Went over to explore because there was an eagle here also, fighting with another bird. We couldn’t find him though.

A bunch of these blinds around.

Heading back to port. These three must have long legs, or the water is very shallow.

This water will put a hurting (and a good workout) on your arms!

Abandoned water front property.

The only time during the trip that I thought about what is going on in the world. Why can’t we occupy the same place (planet) without all the hateful words and actions? This gull is getting along fine with these guys (Cormorants?)

But then again, there is always that one guy that wants to be different.

 

Time To Retire Yet?

06 Monday Feb 2017

Posted by Ronald Parks in Hiking, kayaking, Recovery

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

GOD, Hiking, kayaking, meditation, nature, Peace, photography, Retirement, spirituality, Work

Every time I go to the Eastern Shore with Kathy, I get this gnawing feeling in my gut, telling me it’s time to retire and move down here. It is just so peaceful.

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Daydreaming with the moon and the windmill.

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Little streams every where. Not big enough for a kayak, but a reminder that there are larger ones around…

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Even just watching the nails back out of the boards they hold up, gives a sense of peacefulness, not found where I am today.

I know that peace comes from the work we do with our spiritual selves. That Peace can come no matter where you are. But for me, I can get too distracted with the busyness of my work and everything around me in the city. It’s bad enough I have never learned through meditation how to quiet my mind and listen to that ‘Still Small Voice’ within. Rock and Roll oldies still play in my head, like them or not! That is why I started to hike years ago and in the last year or so, taken up kayaking; to help quiet my mind. No matter where I go, there I am…but when I’m down the shore, it feels good – physically, mentally and spiritually.

Five Days at Hopkins

13 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by Ronald Parks in Health, Hopkins

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Baltimore, Cushings, GOD, Health, Hopkins, hospital, Jesus, photography, Recovery, Terps

After 5 days my daughter finally got to go home today. The surgery was a success. Now for the road to recovery. I thank those who sent prayers. And thanks to most of the staff at Hopkins. They were very caring and helpful. On different days, I roamed around to see what I could see. I like the older hospital section best.

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The evening sun brightening up the old building.

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One of many walkways that connects the various sections together. Nice hike.

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I see a cruise ship back there – that will be Kathy and I in a few months.

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Levels of the dome.

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Looking up at the dome. They pretty much let you walk all over the place in here. I was only stopped once – security thought I had a drone controller in my hand.

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I was told that Jesus’ foot is worn down by all the people that touch it for luck – I guess like the bronze turtle at College Park – I think it worked better for my daughter than it did this weekend for the football team!!

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Terps at Byrd Stadium

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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In the children’s hospital

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Nice balcony.

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Reminds me of a fort

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Nice little pond and garden

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No plaque. Maybe the first source of water for the hospital when it was built?

My daughter was very strong through all this, considering what was involved. Thanks God!!

 

 

Rocks State Park – aka King and Queen Seat

06 Sunday Nov 2016

Posted by Ronald Parks in Hiking, Photography

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Deer Creek, GOD, GRATITUDE, Hiking, nature, photography, water history

 

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Some history on the seat.

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Whoa! Just a few too many people on these rocks. People were camped out, basically stopping others from enjoying the view. Watch out for the climbers ropes.

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I guess it’s a nice view. Need a couple traffic cops up here.

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Line starts here for the view. Molly wasn’t too happy about being up here.

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Ha! Turkey buzzards patiently waiting! Dinner is just 190 feet to the bottom!

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Partial view.

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Back in the 1930s the City of Baltimore considered building a dam just over that next ridge. (See earlier post on Eden Mill)

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Too many people up top so we took off on the trails. White trail first and then back on the orange trail.

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A lot of these scattered about, low in the woods.

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A beautiful day for a hike. Peaceful and quiet. Thanks God!

Miscellaneous Drive-by Photos

31 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by Ronald Parks in Addiction, Recovery

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Tags

Addiction, faith, GOD, Recovery, Statues

Reach out and touch faith

Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares

depeche mode

Saw this on my travels today. Nice stool. Was going to take but I don’t mess with anyone’s personal Jesus.

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